Something new today, folks.  I’m going to call it,

Cindy Lou’s Product Review

 And what might I be reviewing?   EGGIES. 

 Ah, yes.  Went to Wal-Mart the other day and in a fit of what could have only been insanity, bought a box of “Eggies.”  Can you say impulse buy? How about target audience?  Well, really.  I mean… they were called “EGGIES.”  What was I to do?  They were crying out to me. 

Anyway, "What are Eggies?"   Well, on the box it enthusiastically proclaims the following:

 “Eggies!  Hard Boil Eggs Without the Shell!  No more messy peeling!  Season Eggs before cooking!”  And then the side panel has three little illustrative cartoon pictures with the words:  Crack, Boil, Twist!   

“Gosh,” I thought. “That sounds way better than standing at my sink peeling eggs ‘til the end o’ time!”  Needless to say, we eat a lot of eggs around here.  And Ben, Gregg and Rebekah all love hard boiled eggs.  Unfortunately I’m the one that gets to peel them.  Plus, since all our eggs are fresh, they are extra hard to peel. Enter EGGIES!  Gosh.  This sounds GREAT!  Crack, boil, twist!  SO I bought a box and brought them home. 

 As it turns out there’s a few more steps than crack, boil, twist to Eggies.  I’m guessing about nine hundred and eight.  This product brought to mind old (and bad) memories of that Wal-Mart pool we bought several summers ago, “Snap, Fill, Swim!”   I’m CERTAIN Eggies are from the same company. 

So here’s what you ACTUALLY have to do.  Now remember.  I bought these things because they were going to save me a bunch of time: Crack, Boil, Twist! 

Here we go:  There are four pieces to every Eggie: the lid, the “collar", the bottom half, and the top half. 

First you have to wash and dry all the little pieces.  Fair enough, I’ll give them that one.  But then, and there’s a big BUT THEN.  After you wash and thoroughly dry all the pieces you must coat the inside of all the pieces with oil.  You can’t just spray them with cooking spray, mind you.  Nope.  It specifically says DON’T do this.  Instead, you are supposed to apply the oil by hand with a paper towel to each individual piece, making sure you coat all pieces thoroughly. 

Then with your grease covered fingers (because the paper towel disintegrated) you carefully position the grease coated top half onto the grease coated bottom half and secure it with the grease coated “collar” around both the grease coated pieces.  

Then you crack an egg into your Eggie (after several attempts at just trying to lift it from the carton, cause, you know... there's grease everywhere). 

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Side note here:  cracking an egg into an Eggie is harder than you think if your egg is oh... normal size.  Mine barely sloshed through the opening, and in one case, it broke the yolk going in.  Apparently in the illustration they were using parakeet eggs.  Who knew?

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Anyway, where was I?  Oh yes, then you carefully twist the grease coated top on.  Except between the greasy fingers and the threads that I’m completely positive never even lined up in the factory, you spend a good five minutes attempting to actually screw the lid on.  You finally give up and force it closed, declaring it ‘good enough.’ This means it’s on half sideways but it’s on and nobody better point out otherwise if they want to reach their next birthday. 

Repeat.  Six times. 

Then you place your egg filled Eggies in a saucepan filled with warm water and ensure that they are all floating. They reminded me a lot of the Pick Up Ducks at a carnival, bob bob bobbing about.  Finally you turn on the burner and bring the water to a boil, following the cooking times on the chart provided.  I watched, transfixed as the Eggies began bopping about in the boiling water and the raw eggs seeped through the half on lids, turning the water a murky white.  Finally they were done, and I removed them from the water. 

After waiting the instructed 7 minutes you then twist open the lids, spraining your thumb in the effort, and further strip what is left of the already messed up threads.  Then you unscrew the middle collar and remove the top half to expose the egg.  Except what egg that hasn’t boiled out of the half screwed on top is now stuck to the plastic despite the - did I mention - OIL you slathered in, on, and around the Eggie and everything else in your kitchen. Then, assuming you actually get the top part off, you then hold the bottom half upside down, squeeze “gently” (until your arms shake... and there goes the other thumb) and the egg is supposed to release.  It says if the egg is not releasing you should work out more.  No, actually it says to use a utensil to loosen the egg around the edges.  I don’t know.  Hurling it into the sink seemed to work okay. 

In the end it took me at least twenty five minutes to just get the eggs INTO the pot, and then at least another fifteen to remove them from the plastic Eggie shell.   I have never in my life spent so much time cooking and peeling six eggs.  The mutilated remains are still in my icebox. They do not resemble eggs in any form.

Do I recommend this product?  Yes.  Heartily.  To the Peoples Republic of China.